Befana – Standards & your inner code: Why you can decide for yourself what is right for you

It may not be January, but Befana is still flying around the world. She brings joy to those who have been good and coal to those who have been bad. This folk belief, which many of us celebrate on St. Nicholas Day, has always been intended to show who has been good and who has not. Children learn when they have done something right through small rewards, whether praise or gifts. Often, however, a different form of confirmation prevails. This is a bad habit that I would like to write about today.

In our society, it is frowned upon to praise oneself. Being proud of oneself and one’s work is often seen as arrogant. For decades, if not centuries, we have been conditioned to believe that only external validation counts. Who are we to praise ourselves? Some of us even grew up with the saying, “No criticism is praise enough.” As a result, we have forgotten how to value ourselves and instead measure ourselves against generally accepted standards. But are these standards applicable to all of us?

Who defines what is good? Who has the right to decide what is considered beautiful or attractive? Who has the right to measure what is productive and what is not? In my opinion, there is no such standard. Not in a way that applies to all of us. Setting standards for a person’s body shape or emotional world and placing them above individual needs is simply wrong! No one has the right to tell you what your body should be like, and certainly no one has the right to tell you what you should feel. The only person who can set standards for you is yourself.

We ourselves are responsible for our standards. But there is a problem here too: since we have simply forgotten how to value ourselves, we set our standards according to those of society. This in turn leads to us not only not valuing ourselves, but even belittling ourselves. It doesn’t even take an external stimulus anymore.

But Befana can help us here. She doesn’t care what you look like. She doesn’t care whether you conform to social norms. For Befana, only one thing matters: your heart. Are your intentions good? Do you harm neither yourself nor others? Do you strive to do what is within your power? Befana has no yardstick here; all that matters is the purity of your heart. Of course, we all carry our shadows with us, but do we let them rule us? Do we give them power over our thoughts and actions?

You see, it’s not about standards such as looks, productivity, or faith. It’s about acting with ethics and morals. Don’t hurt anyone with your actions, not even yourself. Question your actions towards the world: “Would I want to be treated this way?”

But what happens if you are not treated as you should be? Then you have the right to defend yourself. You have a right to integrity, and you have the right to protect it. But what about injustice that has already been committed? Are you allowed to take revenge? I’ll ask you another question: Are you firmly convinced that revenge will bring you peace? What do you want to achieve with revenge? Do you want your opponent to change, or is it about making them feel your pain? No matter what, I promise you, it won’t set you free. It will only burden you with guilt, which will then walk hand in hand with your pain, probably for a very long time, if not forever.

But how do you know what is right and what is wrong?

The fish on the “Navigation” card will help you find your way through the murky waters of this question. First, ask yourself where your moral values lie. How would you like to be treated yourself? With appreciation? With kindness? With friendliness? Honesty? Take your time to think about it. Write down what is important to you. I myself have written a code of conduct. In it, I have recorded how I want to guide my own actions. I have written down how I will protect myself and what opportunities I will take advantage of. This code of conduct gives me an anchor that I can fall back on at any time.

With every word you write down, you will find yourself in clearer waters. Piece by piece, your path will become clearer. Your code is not set in stone, but grows with you. For example, I have also recorded my beliefs. These have become clearer over the last year than they were when I first wrote them down. So I have rewrote them to better reflect what I believe.

What do you think of the idea of writing your own code? Let me know.

By the way, the article for July has now been published. I invite you to meet the fool. He will help you get rid of some baggage. The article is available even with the smallest subscription plan and, like my daily articles, is available in German and English. Feel free to take a look here.

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